📍 SCENE: The usual high-end bar. Tonight? A funeral. Not for a person… but for a brand. The corpse? BURBERRY. Niggas been DEAD for a minute, but we here to finally put them in the ground.

🟥 MG (Marin Golub), 🟨 OV (Off-White), and 🟩 GU (Gucci) are dressed in all black.
🧥 BB (Burberry) just walked in, confused as hell.

⚰️ ROUND 1: HOW BURBERRY WENT FROM LUXURY TO DISCOUNT BIN

🧥 BB: Ay yo, why y’all looking at me like that?

🟥 MG: Nigga, you know why.

🟨 OV: sigh Look, once upon a time, Burberry was that brand. Classy trench coats, British elegance, all that.

🟩 GU: Now? Burberry got the same drip level as a gas station umbrella.

🧥 BB: Nah, y’all hatin’. We still got history.

🟥 MG: Nigga, that history is the ONLY thing keeping you alive. Y’all been selling the same ass beige trench coat since World War I.

🟨 OV: And you let the streets snatch your brand. Burberry’s signature check pattern got so overused it became the official uniform of British crackheads.

🟩 GU: UK roadmen got y’all in a chokehold. Niggas be outside the Tesco talking about 'Oi bruv, run ya pockets' wearing full Burberry fits.

🧥 BB: It’s called accessibility.

🟥 MG: No, nigga. It’s called losing exclusivity.

🏚️ ROUND 2: BURBERRY’S LOGO ‘UPGRADE’

🟨 OV: Let’s talk about 2018. The year you fumbled your logo.

🧥 BB: We needed a fresh, modern look.

🟩 GU: Fresh? Nigga, you downgraded your logo into Microsoft Word Arial Bold.

🟥 MG: Burberry’s old logo had character. That horseman? Regal as hell. Then y’all came outta nowhere and said 'Nah, let’s go full corporate PowerPoint mode.'

🟨 OV: That logo got NO personality. It look like something you’d see on a mid-tier law firm’s website.

🟩 GU: Burberry out here dressing like an H&M intern trying to act serious.

🧥 BB: It was a bold, minimalist choice—

🟥 MG: Minimalist? No nigga, it was lazy as hell.

💀 ROUND 3: WHEN BURBERRY REALLY DUG THEIR OWN GRAVE

🧥 BB: At least we still make high fashion.

🟨 OV: Oh? You sure about that?

🟩 GU: Because we gotta talk about the Burberry noose hoodie.

🧥 BB: Oh… that…

🟥 MG: Y’ALL DEADASS THOUGHT A NOOSE HOODIE WAS A GOOD IDEA?!

🟨 OV: BURBERRY LYNCHWEAR. Who the hell greenlit that?!

🟩 GU: That wasn’t even offensive in a deep way. That was just straight up stupid.

🟥 MG: Like, how did that conversation go?
'Yo, let’s make a hoodie with a rope around the neck.'
'Oh word? How much?'
'$1,200.'

🟨 OV: Nigga, $1,200 to look like you just lost in a Wild West duel.

🟩 GU: That was the moment Burberry officially hit rock bottom.

🧥 BB: It was a mistake, we apologized—

🟥 MG: Nah, nigga. That wasn’t a mistake. That was a final nail in the coffin.

🏆 FINAL SCORE

✅ Marin Golub: Still standing.
✅ Off-White: Got some questionable choices but still breathing.
✅ Gucci: Barely made it out the streets but keeping it together.
❌ Burberry: 1956 - 2018. RIP.