📍 SCENE: The usual bar, but now filled with thick-ass perfume clouds, like a Dubai mall on a Friday afternoon. MG coughing like he inhaled mustard gas, GU waving the air, and OV looking around like he just walked into a Victoria’s Secret store.

🟥 MG: Nigga, who the fuck gassed us out in here? Smell like a Saudi prince just walked in.

🟨 OV: Nah, this gotta be Xerjoff and Parfums de Marly. I already know, that mix of overpriced air freshener and marketing bullshit is unmistakable.

🔌 XERJOFF: We only use the finest ingredients, crafted with passion and Italian heritage.

🟩 GU: Nigga, what heritage? Your shit sound like a Pokemon move.

🟥 MG: For real, nigga, Xerjoff? That name sound like a porn category nobody talks about. Like, ‘yeah bro, I was just watching some good ol’ Xerjoff last night.’

🟨 OV: Nah, we gotta talk about them bottles. Why y’all perfume shaped like a gold-plated butt plug?

🔌 XERJOFF: It’s called elegance. The design is a symbol of luxury.

🟩 GU: Nigga, who y’all tryna fool? That bottle look like it belong on a rich MILF’s nightstand.

🟥 MG: That shit ain't even a perfume no more, that’s a bedroom appliance. You walk in a nigga’s crib and see a shelf full of Xerjoff bottles, just leave. You about to be in some freaky shit.

🟨 OV: And why the fuck your prices looking like down payments on a car?

🔌 XERJOFF: Luxury scents require the highest-quality materials.

🟩 GU: Nigga, I know what bergamot smells like. Ain’t no way y’all using 500-euro bergamot.

🟨 OV: For real, what y’all mixing this shit with, unicorn tears and Pope Francis’ bathwater?

🟥 MG: Enough about Xer-Jackoff, let’s talk about Parfums de Marly.

🐎 PDM: We are inspired by the grand equestrian history of King Louis XV’s court.

🟩 GU: Nigga, what grand history? Y’all niggas started in 2009. I got t-shirts older than that.

🟨 OV: PDM history really be like: ‘Once upon a time, horses existed. And now we sell perfume.’

🟥 MG: Nigga, what that got to do with perfume? Did y’all granddaddy make cologne for medieval horses?

🐎 PDM: Our fragrances are crafted with the elegance of a royal court.

🟨 OV: Nigga, this some Spirit Halloween royalty.

🟩 GU: Nah, we really gotta talk about y’all packaging. Why the fuck y’all bottles feel like they came in a cereal box?

🟥 MG: Nigga, you spend 300 euros on a perfume and it come in a box that feel like it belong on the Kellogg’s aisle.

🟨 OV: Nigga, I’ve seen Happy Meal toys with better presentation.

🐎 PDM: It’s about the fragrance inside.

🟩 GU: Nigga, it’s about getting what you paid for. Ain’t no way y’all selling ‘royalty’ but sending niggas some shit that look like it came free with a magazine subscription.

🟥 MG: For real, I opened a PDM box and felt like I was about to find a ‘collect 10 proofs of purchase’ coupon.

🟨 OV: Nigga, Old Spice got better presentation than y’all. At least their shit come with some personality.

🐎 PDM: We are a symbol of modern French luxury.

🟥 MG: Nigga, your ‘luxury’ built like a pyramid scheme. This some crypto scam shit in fragrance form.

🟩 GU: For real, y’all the NFTs of perfumery. Hella hype, ugly-ass packaging, and a backstory that don’t make no sense.

🟨 OV: Nigga, imagine spending a month’s rent just to smell like a history lesson that never happened.

🟥 MG: Both y’all brands need to sit down. Xerjoff out here selling nightstand accessories and PDM out here acting like they got a legacy when they still in their teenage years.

🟩 GU: Niggas really out here choosing between butt plugs or a cereal box.

🟨 OV: Luxury dead, nigga. We done here.

🔥 FINAL SCORE:
✅ Xerjoff: The most expensive object in your house that ain't perfume.
✅ Parfums de Marly: The only ‘heritage’ brand that started when Drake was already famous.
❌ Both: Selling air for the price of a vacation.