📍 SCENE: A peaceful, prehistoric village. People are chilling, cooking mammoth meat, drawing weird shit on cave walls.

🟤 Grog: Man, life good. We hunt. We eat. We sleep. No problems.

⚫ Thrak: Yeah, for real. No one ever mad. No one ever fight.

Suddenly, a new dude stomps onto the scene, looking pissed. He’s holding a big-ass rock in one hand and pointing at another guy.

🔴 Rorg: AYO, THIS NIGGA TOOK MY STICK.

⚫ Thrak: Nigga, what? It’s a STICK.

🔴 Rorg: NOT JUST A STICK. MY STICK. IT WAS PERFECTLY SHAPED.

🟤 Grog: Bro, just find another stick.

🔴 Rorg: NAH, FUCK THAT. I’M KILLING HIM.

Everyone gasps. Nobody has ever thought about killing over dumb shit before.

⚪ Mug: Uh… what does ‘kill’ mean?

🔴 Rorg: I DON’T KNOW, BUT HE AIN’T GONNA BE ALIVE NO MORE.

Rorg charges at the stick thief, smacking him with the rock. The dude crumples.

🟢 Stick Thief: dying Bruh…

Silence. Everyone just stares.

🟤 Grog: …Bro.

⚫ Thrak: …Did we just witness… the first murder?

🔴 Rorg: Yeah, and I ain’t done! HIS FRIENDS LOOKIN’ AT ME FUNNY!

Rorg picks up another rock and starts swinging at random people. Chaos erupts.

⚪ Mug: OH SHIT, IT’S SPREADING!

Within minutes, half the village is throwing hands, biting ears, and chucking spears at each other. Fires break out. Rocks are flying. The first war has officially begun.

🟤 Grog: BRO JUST SWUNG FIRST AND INVENTED WAR.

⚫ Thrak: ALL BECAUSE OF A DAMN STICK.

Cut to a cave drawing of Rorg standing on top of a pile of bodies, holding the stolen stick like a trophy. At the bottom, someone writes:

FIRST WAR. STICK DISPUTE.

Cut back to present-day historians looking at the drawing.

👨‍🏫 Historian 1: Wow. The first war in human history… over a stick.

👩‍🏫 Historian 2: Niggas been fighting over dumb shit since the beginning of time.