📍 SCENE: The OG crew is sitting in a luxury apartment, TV remote in hand, having just finished watching the last episode of Humanity in a Nutshell – a fake-ass, overdramatic documentary about the history of mankind.

🟥 MG: Aight, so we just watched a 4-hour documentary on how humans went from monkeys with anxiety to… whatever the fuck we got now.

🟩 GU: Nigga, that was the greatest unintentional comedy I’ve ever seen. I don’t even know if I should feel inspired or embarrassed.

🟨 OV: Bro, if history was a person, it’d be a dude who got rich by scamming, went to rehab, then relapsed every 50 years.

EPISODE 1: TWO ROCKS

🟥 MG: So, basically, some prehistoric dumbass set himself on fire and his boys were like, ‘Yo… this kinda useful though.’

🟩 GU: And then his homies probably charged $30 for fire subscriptions.

🟨 OV: And now look at us—niggas went from burning mammoths to getting burnt burgers at McDonald's.

EPISODE 2: BRO JUST SWUNG FIRST

🟥 MG: This part was fucking hilarious. These cavemen really started gang wars because some dude had a shinier rock than the other tribe.

🟩 GU: Bro, war been the original DLC for human civilization. New updates, same gameplay.

🟨 OV: And the patch notes never improved shit. Niggas went from hitting each other with sticks to nukes in 4,000 years.

EPISODE 3: SO WE JUST MAKING SHIT UP?

🟥 MG: So you mean to tell me, some caveman was just sitting in a cave one day, saw lightning hit a tree, and was like, 'Damn… some sky nigga mad as hell. We better start praying.'

🟨 OV: Nah, the real comedy is how different groups made their own religions just to start beef. Niggas was out here playing the first-ever MMO faction war.

🟩 GU: And then they spent the next 2,000 years throwing hands over who got the best invisible homie.

EPISODE 4: DIRT, DISEASES & DELUSIONS

🟥 MG: Nigga, how was this a whole-ass era where people bathed like once a year and the streets smelled like expired ass?

🟩 GU: Bro, if you got a cold back then, your doctor would be like, 'Aight, let’s just drain all your blood and see what happens.'

🟨 OV: And don’t forget—if you sneezed too loud, you got accused of witchcraft. Niggas really got the death penalty for having allergies.

EPISODE 5: JACK THE RIDDLER

🟥 MG: So London had a whole-ass serial killer sending the cops hate mail, and them niggas still couldn’t find him?

🟩 GU: Bro, GTA NPCs got better police than this. Scotland Yard out here solving crime like a Scooby-Doo gang with no dog.

🟨 OV: And my favorite part—he just stopped killing one day and never got caught. Nigga really said, 'Aight, I’m retiring' and walked off like he finished a 9-5 shift.

FINAL THOUGHTS

🟥 MG: So, to summarize—humanity is just a 24/7 comedy special with some DLC horror updates.

🟩 GU: Niggas went from monkeys throwing rocks to billionaires fighting over fake internet points and somehow called that progress.

🟨 OV: Honestly, we might be the only species that got smarter AND dumber at the same time.

They all stare at the screen as the credits roll.

🟥 MG: Aight, what we watching next?

🟩 GU: Something less depressing, nigga. Put on some SpongeBob.