📍 SCENE: London, 1888. Fog everywhere. Cobblestone streets. A couple of drunk dudes stumbling out of a bar while some random horse shits in the background.

🟤 Detective Henry Whitaker: Right, lads… Another night in good ol’ Whitechapel. Smells like piss, sounds like crime, and feels like death!

⚫ Detective Arthur Graves: Speaking of death, we got another one.

They arrive at an alleyway where a bunch of terrified bystanders are gathered. The body of a woman is sprawled out, and it’s clear Jack the Ripper got creative again.

🟤 Whitaker: Ah, bloody hell. He turned her into a fucking jigsaw puzzle.

⚫ Graves: That’s five now. What kind of lunatic just goes around slicing people up like this?

Cut to a shadowy figure lurking in the darkness. He’s got a top hat, a long coat, and way too much free time.

🎩 Jack the Ripper: Time to leave another fan letter for Scotland Yard… hehehe.

He pulls out a piece of parchment and dips his feather quill in some ink, writing the most edgy shit imaginable.

🎩 Jack: writing Dear incompetent pigs, you’ll never catch me. I eat kidneys for breakfast. Love, Jack.

He neatly folds the letter, places it in a blood-stained envelope, and just casually drops it at the police station like he’s mailing a Christmas card. Back at Scotland Yard, a detective picks up the letter, reads it, and immediately goes pale.

🕵️ Detective Reynolds: Bruh… this guy just name-dropped himself.

🟤 Whitaker: Jack the Ripper, huh? Sounds like he named himself after a shitty pub.

NEWS SPREADS. LONDON IS IN FULL PANIC MODE.

Women are carrying knives. Men are walking in groups. Every random guy with a mustache is getting side-eyed. Meanwhile, Jack is just chilling in the shadows, watching London lose its mind.

🎩 Jack: Damn, I got the whole city in a chokehold.

Cut to a sketch artist at Scotland Yard trying to draw Jack the Ripper based on witness reports. The result? A dude that looks like every British man ever.

🎨 Sketch Artist: There! That’s our guy!

⚫ Graves: Bro, this could be anyone!

🟤 Whitaker: Half of London looks like this!

Meanwhile, newspapers are going crazy with wild headlines:

IS JACK THE RIPPER A DOCTOR? A PRINCE? A DEMON??
WOMEN AFRAID TO GO OUT AT NIGHT – MEN STILL TOO BROKE TO CARE
SCOTLAND YARD CLUELESS – NO SHIT

Cut to a completely random British guy getting tackled by police for looking slightly suspicious.

👨 Random Guy: I WAS JUST BUYING BREAD!

SCOTLAND YARD: NOWHERE CLOSER TO FINDING JACK.

One day, the letters just stop. No more bodies, no more riddles, nothing. Jack the Ripper just vanishes like he got bored and moved on to a new hobby.

🟤 Whitaker: Wait… that’s it?

⚫ Graves: This nigga just quit being a serial killer?

🕵️ Reynolds: Damn, bro had seasonal depression.

Cut to modern times. Historians are still arguing about who Jack the Ripper was.

👨‍🏫 Historian 1: He was a surgeon!

👩‍🏫 Historian 2: He was a member of the royal family!

👴 Historian 3: He was a time traveler from the future!

Cut to Jack the Ripper in 2025, sitting in a coffee shop, scrolling through Reddit like nothing happened.

🎩 Jack: reading ‘Who was Jack the Ripper?’ Lol, imagine if they never find out.

⚫ Graves: in 1888, staring into the distance Maybe he's a Batman...

Meanwhile, Jack the Ripper sits in his candle-lit room, writing one final letter.

🎩 Jack: writing Dear Police, L + Ratio, Y’all suck. Sincerely, Jack the Ripper <3

He seals the letter, laughs to himself, and disappears into history.