📍 SCENE: A high-end cocktail party. Candle-lit tables, orchestral music playing, everyone dressed in sharp suits and elegant gowns… except one brand that’s about to get ROASTED.

🟥 MG (Marin Golub), 🟨 OV (Off-White), and 🟩 GU (Gucci) are seated at a VIP table, sipping expensive drinks.
🩷 VL (Valentino) walks in, dressed in an all-pink suit, looking confident as hell.

💔 ROUND 1: NO BITCHES DETECTED

🩷 VL: Ah, gentlemen, I see you admire my elegance.

🟨 OV: Nigga, what elegance? You dress like a damn high-fashion flamingo.

🟥 MG: You got 'Valentine' in your name, but somehow pull less bitches than a chess club president.

🟩 GU: Nigga, your biggest flex is that Zendaya wore your shit once.

🩷 VL: We embody romance and sophistication—

🟨 OV: Nigga, romance? Your brand got zero hoes appeal. Ain’t nobody pulling up to a date wearing a hot pink satin suit looking like Pepto Bismol.

🟩 GU: Valentino out here dressing niggas like Victoria’s Secret mannequins.

🟥 MG: The only 'V' you getting is in your brand name.

🩷 VL: visibly sweating

💀 ROUND 2: WHAT EVEN IS VALENTINO

🟩 GU: What does your brand even stand for, nigga? You got no real identity.

🟨 OV: You ain’t minimal like Zegna.
🟥 MG: You ain’t loud like Gucci.
🟩 GU: You ain’t street like Balenciaga.

🟨 OV: Nigga, y’all just some fancy H&M.

🩷 VL: We are known for our refined elegance!

🟥 MG: You 'refined' yourself into irrelevance.

🟩 GU: Nigga, you the filler episode of luxury brands.

🟨 OV: Valentino sales be coming with a side of free samples like y’all Sephora or something.

🩷 VL: But we have the Rockstud!

🟨 OV: Nigga, you been selling the same studded shoes since the dinosaurs went extinct.

🟥 MG: Bro, your brand ain’t evolved since the Nokia 3310 was in stores.

🩷 VL: visibly shaking

🏆 FINAL SCORE

✅ Marin Golub: Luxury done right—no 'V' needed.
✅ Off-White: Still relevant, unlike some brands we know.
✅ Gucci: Loud as hell, but at least got an identity.
❌ Valentino: No hoes, no style, no reason to exist.