📍 SCENE: The gang is watching Apple’s latest keynote on a big screen.

🟩 GU: Aight, let's see what kinda wizardry they cooked up this time.

👨‍💼 Apple Exec: Introducing the iPhone 17! The most advanced iPhone ever.

🟥 MG: Damn, crazy how that happens every year.

The keynote zooms in on the new iPhone.

👨‍💼 Apple Exec: With a revolutionary new design—

🟨 OV: Nigga, that’s the same damn phone.

👨‍💼 Apple Exec: —and an innovative feature called Dynamic Island 2.0!

🟥 MG: Nigga, that’s just the same pill but more expensive.

🟩 GU: What else y’all got? Convince me.

👨‍💼 Apple Exec: We’ve also removed the volume buttons!

🟨 OV: Huh? The fuck am I supposed to do now, mind control my audio?

👨‍💼 Apple Exec: Instead, we have the Haptic Tap Experience™. Just double-tap the side and think about changing the volume.

🟥 MG: So praying my phone gets louder is now a feature?

The presentation moves on.

👨‍💼 Apple Exec: We’ve upgraded the camera with ‘Quantum SuperSense AI’ to make your photos even more lifelike!

🟩 GU: Bro, it’s a damn camera. Just take the picture.

👨‍💼 Apple Exec: And for the first time ever, the iPhone 17 will start at just $1,999.

🟨 OV: Nigga, a down payment on a car.

The screen shows the final slide: Pre-orders start now. AppleCare sold separately.

🟥 MG: Man, Steve Jobs is watching this in 144p.

🟩 GU: I swear, they just remove shit and call it innovation.

The gang turns off the TV and walks out.

🟨 OV: I'm just tryna find a phone that won't die in one year.

🟩 GU: Good luck with that, nigga.