📍 SCENE: A freezing rooftop bar in the Alps. Snow falling, heaters on, but ain’t nobody cold… except one brand that’s about to get COOKED. The victim? Moncler.

🟥 MG (Marin Golub), 🟨 OV (Off-White), and 🟩 GU (Gucci) are sipping warm drinks.
🦆 MC (Moncler) pulls up, looking like a human air mattress.

🦆 ROUND 1: WHEN DID MONCLER BECOME A DISCOUNT CANADA GOOSE

🦆 MC: Yo, wassup gang?

🟨 OV: Nigga, don’t 'wassup' us. We gotta talk about why you became the McDonald's of luxury puffers.

🟩 GU: You supposed to be a high-end mountaineering brand. But now? You just sell overpriced sleeping bags for clout kids.

🦆 MC: Y’all hatin’. Our coats are high-quality, real down feathers—

🟥 MG: And yet somehow feel like you wrapped yourself in a damn trash bag.

🟨 OV: Let’s be real. Moncler is just what rich kids buy when they wanna flex but don’t know what real luxury is.

🟩 GU: Canada Goose for hypebeasts.

🦆 MC: Man, y’all just jealous. Our collabs go crazy.

🟥 MG: Nigga, let’s talk about those Genius collabs.

🗑️ ROUND 2: MONCLER GENIUS – MORE LIKE MONCLER STUPID

🦆 MC: Our Genius line is innovative. We work with top designers to push boundaries.

🟨 OV: Nigga, you had us wearing inflatable coats like we were in a water safety drill.

🟩 GU: Bro, y’all dropped a puffer jacket that looked like a Michelin Man BDSM suit.

🟥 MG: How the fuck do you make a jacket that’s both hot as hell AND looks like a damn emergency raft?

🟨 OV: And let’s not forget… the MONCLER DOG JACKET.

🟩 GU: $500 for your dog to look like a bubble-wrapped sausage.

🦆 MC: We just tryna expand—

🟥 MG: Expand into what? Making geese hate you even more?

💀 ROUND 3: THE MONCLER EXPERIENCE

🦆 MC: Look, at least our brand is exclusive.

🟨 OV: Nigga, y’all literally sell jackets at duty-free stores in airports.

🟩 GU: If your brand got a boutique in Terminal 3 next to the Toblerone section, you ain't exclusive.

🟥 MG: Moncler stores be looking like a high-tech meat freezer. Why I feel like a piece of Wagyu every time I walk in?

🦆 MC: Nah, y’all buggin’. Our style is timeless.

🟨 OV: Timeless? Nigga, y’all been making the same puffer jackets since the Roman Empire.

🟩 GU: Niggas been wearing the same damn coat since the Ice Age.

🟥 MG: Y’all the only brand that could time travel 100 years back and STILL look outdated.

🏆 FINAL SCORE

✅ Marin Golub: Real luxury, no goose slaughter needed.
✅ Off-White: Streetwear, but at least they ain’t selling inflatable clown suits.
✅ Gucci: Wild sometimes, but they ain’t running a fucking poultry massacre.
❌ Moncler: Overpriced sleeping bags for Instagram clout.