📍 SCENE: The usual bar, but this time the crew staring at some dude wearing Cartier buffs like he got x-ray vision, and another nigga struggling to take off a Cartier Love Bracelet like he’s locked in a police ankle monitor.

🟥 MG: Nigga, why the fuck Cartier act like jewelry gotta be a part-time job?

🟨 OV: For real, why you need a mini toolbox just to take off a bracelet? Niggas on house arrest got more freedom.

🟩 GU: Cartier really said, ‘Nah, you gon’ suffer for this flex.’ Like, nigga, why I need a whole-ass screwdriver to take my own shit off?

🟥 MG: Nigga, the moment you buy a Cartier Love Bracelet, you basically married to it. It’s like them niggas handcuffing your wallet.

📿 CARTIER: Y’all just don’t get it, it’s about commitment. The Love Bracelet symbolizes eternal love.

🟨 OV: Nigga, eternal inconvenience. Y’all out here turning jewelry into escape room puzzles.

🟥 MG: For real, imagine getting robbed wearing that bracelet. Nigga, you just gonna stand there while the thief struggles with a screwdriver?

🟩 GU: Cartier got y’all locking in for life like a gym membership. Meanwhile, rich niggas don’t even wear that shit, they just buy Patek.

📿 CARTIER: Man, but what about our glasses? The buffs? Detroit niggas know what’s up.

🟨 OV: Nigga, that’s the only thing keeping y’all relevant. Cartier buffs the only thing y’all ever made that got niggas risking their lives.

🟥 MG: For real, niggas out here getting shot over some glasses. Imagine explaining that to Saint Peter at the pearly gates. ‘Yeah, I died for a pair of frames.’

🟩 GU: Cartier buffs got niggas acting like they wearing the One Ring. Put them bitches on and suddenly they feel like the main character.

🟨 OV: Nigga, y’all acting like Cartier glasses come with vision enhancements. Like, what they supposed to do? Read minds? Improve credit scores?

📿 CARTIER: It’s not about function, it’s about status.

🟥 MG: Nigga, your ‘status’ just means you an easier target for a snatch and grab. Y’all really out here flexing like y’all bulletproof.

🟩 GU: And let’s talk about y’all watches. Cartier wanna be a watch brand so bad, but niggas still pick Patek over you.

🟨 OV: Cartier watches really just ‘Rolex for dudes who sip espresso and read GQ.

🟥 MG: Nigga, Cartier watches just Patek’s neglected cousin. They not ugly, but nobody actually flexin’ those.

📿 CARTIER: Man, we still luxury. Y’all just haters.

🟥 MG: Nigga, you luxury the same way Louis Vuitton is ‘luxury’ now. Which means every SoundCloud rapper and their baby mama got it.

🟨 OV: Cartier been finessing y’all for years and niggas still eating it up.

🟩 GU: Enjoy your overpriced handcuffs and life-threatening glasses, nigga. We done here.

🔥 FINAL SCORE:
✅ Cartier Buffs: Still the hood’s favorite eyewear.
✅ Love Bracelet: The ‘house arrest chic’ starter pack.
❌ Cartier watches: Still playing benchwarmer to Rolex and Patek.