📍 SCENE: The crew chilling as always, except…

🟩 GU: Aight, listen up, niggas. I got a job.

🟥 MG: Nigga, what?!

🟨 OV: Nigga, you dropped out the streets?

🟩 GU: Man, y’all act like I joined the military. It’s just a 9-to-5.

🟥 MG: Nah, bro, you joined the work force, that’s even worse.

🟨 OV: What job even hired your dumb ass?

🟩 GU: Bruh, just some office job. How bad could it be?

CUT TO: GU’s first day at work. An office with fluorescent lights, gray carpets, and dead-eyed employees. His boss, a stiff-looking middle-aged man, approaches.

👔 Boss: Ah, you must be the new guy. Welcome to the team!

🟩 GU: Uh, yeah, cool. So what exactly do I do?

👔 Boss: Great question! Here at ShittyCo, we strive for maximum efficiency and synergy.

🟩 GU: Nigga, that ain’t an answer.

👔 Boss: Your job is to input data into spreadsheets, respond to pointless emails, and sit in meetings that should’ve been emails.

🟩 GU: That… sounds boring as shit.

👔 Boss: Oh, don’t worry! We keep things engaging with our fun company culture!

🟩 GU: Like what?

👔 Boss: We have Casual Fridays, and once a month, we order cheap pizza that doesn’t even have enough slices for everyone.

🟩 GU: Bruh.

👔 Boss: Oh! And we also have a company ping-pong table!

🟩 GU: Nigga, who plays that?

👔 Boss: Oh, nobody. We just like saying we have it.

🟩 GU: So I’m supposed to sit here for eight hours doing nonsense?

👔 Boss: Technically, yes! But don’t worry, you get a lunch break.

🟩 GU: Bet! How long?

👔 Boss: Thirty minutes.

🟩 GU: Nigga, that’s barely enough time to get food.

👔 Boss: Not my problem. Now, let’s talk about your salary!

🟩 GU: Aight, let’s hear it. How much?

👔 Boss: You’ll be making $16 an hour!

🟩 GU: Nigga, that’s less than one Uber Eats order.

👔 Boss: But after five years of hard work, you might get a 3% raise!

🟩 GU: THREE?! Nigga, that’s a dollar.

👔 Boss: Oh, but don’t forget about your benefits!

🟩 GU: Aight, what benefits?

👔 Boss: Well… we offer health insurance, but you still have to pay for most of it. We have PTO, but we guilt-trip you for using it. Oh, and we match 401K up to 3%!

🟩 GU: Nigga, that’s robbery with extra steps.

👔 Boss: Haha, welcome to corporate America!

CUT TO: Later that day, GU back with the crew, looking DEAD inside.

🟥 MG: Ayo, how was your first day?

🟩 GU: Nigga, I saw the light leave my soul.

🟨 OV: Yeah, welcome to hell, nigga.

🟩 GU: They got me staring at spreadsheets for eight hours, my boss hit me with corporate riddles, and my lunch break shorter than a TikTok.

🟥 MG: Nigga, you sound like you did time.

🟩 GU: Bro, prison might be better. At least they get free food.

🟨 OV: Fr, I’d rather sell feet pics.

🟥 MG: Nigga, OnlyFans got better benefits than your job.

🟩 GU: Nah, I can’t do this. I’m quitting.

🟥 MG: Nigga, it’s been one day.

🟩 GU: Yeah, that was enough.

👔 Boss: from phone call Hey, GU! Just checking in! We noticed you took too long in the bathroom today.

🟩 GU: Nigga, I quit.

CUT TO: The crew celebrating GU’s early retirement. 

🟨 OV: Nigga, you lasted less than a McDonald’s ice cream machine.

🟥 MG: Bruh, jobs ain't for everyone.

🟩 GU: Yeah, especially not me.