📍 SCENE: The crew is sitting in front of a TV, scrolling through streaming services. Everyone looks disappointed. Netflix is open, and they’re staring at the latest 'original series.'

🟥 MG: squints Nigga… why is King Arthur black?

🟨 OV: Bruh, Netflix be out here like ‘Inspired by true events’ and then make Julius Caesar a single mother from Detroit.

🟩 GU: Nigga, they remaking Twilight and I already know Jacob gon’ be a non-binary Mexican lesbian.

🟥 MG: And Edward gon’ be a pansexual AI-generated light-skinned vampire with pronouns.

🟨 OV: Like bruh, if you wanna make a diverse show, make a new one. Stop repainting old shit like a broke-ass landlord.

🟩 GU: Exactly! These niggas take white characters, dip ‘em in cocoa butter, and call it ‘representation.’

🟥 MG: Meanwhile, their Asian representation is still one kung fu nigga and a math genius.

🟨 OV: And Native Americans? Nigga, they don’t even exist to Netflix.

🟩 GU: But hold up, HBO Max ain't safe either. These niggas be charging a premium just to show the same 5 DC movies and Friends reruns.

🟥 MG: And Disney+? Bruh, they out here acting like you need to see Iron Man’s entire birth certificate just to watch the next Avengers movie.

🟨 OV: They really made The Little Mermaid black and thought niggas wouldn’t notice. ‘Look, it’s the same Ariel you love, but now she listens to SZA.’

🟩 GU: Nigga, Disney gon’ remake Star Wars next and turn Darth Vader into a strong, independent single mother.

🟥 MG: Amazon Prime? Trash. These niggas out here making shows for the 3 people that care.

🟨 OV: And then you watch one episode and suddenly Jeff Bezos want $14.99 a month.

🟩 GU: And then you realize half the shit ain’t even free. Nigga, why am I paying for a subscription just to pay for the movie separately?

🟥 MG: And don’t even get me started on Hulu. Nigga, if I’m paying for a subscription, why the fuck am I still seeing ads?

🟨 OV: Bro, Hulu really be like ‘Only $12.99 a month!’ but forget to mention you gotta watch 15 minutes of Progressive ads just to see a single episode.

🟩 GU: And them ads be twice as loud as the show. Nigga, I was watching Bob’s Burgers and next thing I know, Flo from Progressive screaming in my ear like a demonic entity.

🟥 MG: Nigga, at this point, I might as well just start pirating shit again.

🟨 OV: For real, Captain Jack Sparrow had the right idea. These niggas want me to pay for Netflix, Disney+, Hulu, HBO, Amazon Prime, Paramount+, Peacock…

🟩 GU: By the time I got all that, I might as well just pay for cable again.

🟥 MG: Cable died just for these niggas to bring it back in subscription form.

🟨 OV: deep sigh Bruh… we ain’t got shit to watch.

🟩 GU: Fuck it, let’s just watch YouTube.

🟥 MG: opens YouTube Nigga, they added 5 unskippable ads.

🟨 OV: We can't escape.